Chasing Eucatastrophe
by Writing in SIN
Summary: After Gamedeus and Cronus, their story should've ended on a bittersweet note of 'what-ifs' and 'could've beens', and yet here they are— striving for the happy life that was taken away from them six years ago. This is a story told in three parts about Emu and Parad finding their way back to each other in the final episode of the series.
1. Lost

**WARNING/NOTE**: While I tend to write my Ex-aid fics about them as Gen, what the relationship between Emu and Parad is up to your interpretation. Honestly speaking, I see their relationship as something that not only has no definition but is actually BEYOND definition; literally something that's beyond their very identity. I mean, how do you define a relationship of two souls that are now merged into one; a relationship that's basically what home is? So how you want to see their relationship as is up to you.

Do I ship ParaEmu? **YES!**

But that doesn't mean everyone does so how you wanna see them is up to you readers.

Just keep in mind that whenever I write the relationship between Emu and Parad, it's going to be intimate because of the reasons I've mentioned above. If I can put it into words, this is the closest thing I could think of: They're not each other's priority, they're each other's FACT; someone that goes without saying. It's like how even though water is given priority over food, things are different when air is added to the equation. I think we all know that unlike water or food, air isn't seen as a priority but is instead a FACT that goes without saying.

...Does that make any sense?

For the moment, the fic is complete but if you'd like to see more of this then, please tell me.

Anyway, please read the tags in case if there's something that you may not like and hope you'll enjoy the fic.

* * *

**CHASING EUCATASTROPHE**

* * *

It's a pyrrhic victory.

Body aching, Houjou Emu trudges back to Seito University Hospital in a numb daze. Beside him are his fellow doctors (and one self-proclaimed deity); all equally battered and bleeding. Stepping inside, he blinks hazily at the array of patients, now cured of the Gamedeus pandemic. He should feel relieved, but honestly, all Emu can feel at the moment is an exhaustion that seeps into his very bones that's only outweighed by the raw pain in his chest— as if someone had hollowed out his insides and torn out his heart.

_'Isn't that exactly what happened?'_ Emu thinks to himself almost hysterically._ 'Connected hearts. Parad is my heart...right? And Parad is...he's—'_

"Dead..." Emu mumbles, listing to the side and slides down against a wall. Before he can topple over, several hands dart out to catch him and he blinks again to find himself being supported by Hiiro and Kiriya; their worried faces swimming into view as they huddle in the halls of CR.

When did he arrive back in CR?

"Intern," Hiiro begins quietly, almost gentle in his concern. "Where are you hurt?"

Everywhere. Nowhere.

...his heart. Where has his heart gone?

Disintegrated into pixels.

Gone without a trace.

_Dead._

And now there's only deafening silence where there used to be another mind; another heart, parallel to his own.

Separated. Reunited. Torn apart.

They barely had any time at all.

"Emu," Kiriya calls out urgently but Emu can barely hear anything from the ringing in his ears. "Shit, he's having a panic attack!"

Another pair of hands grabs his shoulders and Taiga comes into view, his usual scowl being replaced by a worried frown. "Ex-aid, look at me. You need to synch your breathing with mine. Can you do that?"

Can't. Hurts.

"Houjou Emu..." Kuroto says softly as he kneels beside Kiriya and Emu must really be in bad shape if even the resident maniac sounds worried.

Why are they worried? They've won.

Ah.

...But they've lost so much along the way too, didn't they?

Gamedeus is dead, but so is Dan Masamune; the only one who knows how to bring back those trapped within the Proto Gashat is gone and with him, their chance on saving those who were lost.

Poppy; his closest friend who sacrificed herself to save them from the worst pandemic they've ever seen. The kindest and most hopeful person he knows— gone, while he's left with a promised to Poppy unfulfilled.

And Parad...

_Hey, Emu?_

_Yeah?_

_Can we play games after we win against Cronus? N-not anything that hurts anyone! Just...fun games. Like the ones you play with...friends?_

_Sure, I'd love that._

_...Really?_

_Definitely._

Where has his heart gone?

"Oi, Emu!" Oh, even Nico is here. "Get a hold of yourself! Taiga, help him!"

"I'm trying, dammit!"

Is it possible to grieve a best friend you've only just starting to get to know?

_I hope this make up for my sins, somewhat..._

The walls spin, and when he tries to right himself, Emu feels his fingers brush against the thick bulk of a double gashat— and his mind blanks as he abruptly remembers _which_ gashat it is.

The Double X gashat.

Orange and Cyan.

Emu stumbles to his feet, pushing past his startled friends, and promptly sprints on shaking legs and into the elevator before anyone else can stop him. And maybe there's shouting behind him, things about someone catching him, but the doors closed shut behind him before he can hear anymore than that as Emu jabs the button for the roof.

Better be safe than sorry since the rooftop has a wider space if anything were to happen.

Emu has to grip his hands tight to stop the trembling and when the doors of the elevator finally opens, he stumbles out and runs up a flight of stairs until he reaches the door to the roof. Fumbling with the knob, Emu barrels his way through and swallows big gulps of fresh air in the wide open space of the rooftop, giving relief to his burning lungs.

The last time Emu did this, it was a gamble out of necessity. Now with the Double X gashat in his hand, Emu grips it with hope and grief in his heart— and prays.

**CLICK AND LOAD!**

There's a heavy thump in his chest where his heart is supposed to be and his brain shrieks at him to move.

Dead. Alive. Dead. Alive.

Moment of truth.

Emu pulls the lever and waits then, feels his stomach roiling as the driver lets out a sound that makes his blood runs cold.

**ERROR!**

"No," he croaks out, staring down at his gamer driver in betrayal when the transformation screen doesn't appear. Pressing the buttons, Emu watches helplessly when it doesn't make a difference before he clicks the lever closed before he pulls it again.

**ERROR!**

"Please..."

Again.

**ERROR!**

"Please...!"

And again.

**ERROR!**

"**PLEASE!**" Emu screams at his driver, shaking the machine with a white knuckled grip as he sinks to his knees. "Give Parad back to me...!"

Emu heaves in gulps of air and dimly, he can hear voices and maybe his friends have finally caught up to him but he shoves them away and promptly throws up on the cement underneath him. There are hands on his person and shouting above him, but Emu can't focus on anything besides the fact that Parad is really _gone._

Dead. Dead. Dead.

**GAME OVER.**

A sob breaks out and Emu sinks onto the floor in a shuddering heap.

Emu is vaguely aware of a terrible sound in the air, someone whining, and it's coming from his own throat, but he can't really connect to that. His fingertips claw into the hard ground, and he arches, struggling to try and haul in air as his brain screams at him.

He can't breathe. He can't. His chest is tight, and he can't breathe, and it hurts so much!

Parad is dead.

_It may have been a short time, but playing games with you...it was the best fun I've ever had, Emu..._

In technicolor, his brain is stuck in a loop on the moment of him running towards Parad; watching and feeling with muted horror as Parad fades away before Emu could even reach him— too little, too late.

Where has his heart gone?

Can somebody please give him back?

Dead. Dead. Dead.

It goes on over and over again, repeating louder and louder until blood pounds behind his eyes as his legs spasm uncomfortably, shooting fire through his body. His eyes are burning, and he's probably crying, and Emu is pretty sure that breathing is never going to be quite right for him ever again.

"Parad..."

Can grief over someone he was only starting to find dear to him hurt this much?

There are black spots dancing across his vision before Emu has a fleeting thought that maybe he's going insane because before darkness claims him, Emu suddenly feels a pair of arms in magenta sleeves wrapping him in a warm embrace and a voice; once so frightening in its cruel playfulness but has since become so soft and fond with affection and empathy as it whispers in his ear.

_Sleep, Emu._

Lost and heartbroken, Emu closes his eyes and weeps— letting his grief send him into merciful darkness.


	2. Found

Dying is scary.

But having Emu; his most favourite and important person in his short life to be the last thing he sees before he dies is both a comfort and a blessing he knows that he doesn't deserve but is grateful for it all the same.

The pain of dying still catches him off guard though.

It's heavy in his bones, crushing him, stifling him. It's inside his skin, trying to drown him from the inside out. Parad wants to scream, but he can't make a sound. There's a weight on his chest, pressing on his lungs and squeezing painfully every time he tries to suck in air. So he stops trying. Lets go.

And drowns.

A gasp and the pain leaves him just as suddenly as it came; the relief almost instantaneous. All the weight, every ounce of pain and worry and pressure, everything he was never even aware that he was carrying, it all melts away for good. For a while he drifts along, light and senseless.

Brows furrowing, Parad blinks in the quiet, still darkness.

Death is scary.

Funnily enough, it doesn't stay that way for long as the fear slowly ebbs away like the waters that's cradling him as lethargy takes its place. It's different from before when he was drowning in the deep, dark waters with no light and no way up for him to break for air. Part of him wonders if it's the same for all Bugsters or if it's just him. Parad is, after all, a unique Bugster— even amongst his kind.

Parad was born; not created after all.

Not like the others.

All the other Bugsters are based on their games while he's the exact opposite; having two games based on _him_ instead. It makes Parad wonder about the dichotomy of his existence.

Well...considering that he's dead, Parad has all the time in the world to contemplate on that. Especially since even in death, he apparently is never going to escape the waters.

He pouts.

Wiggling his fingers and kicking his feet, Parad finds that he's floating on his back and that the water is warm; almost like he's taking a bath. It's kinda nice. Odd...but nice. And although he's still deathly (heh) afraid of water; of death itself— floating supine on an endless ocean that's warm instead of freezing cold isn't half bad; especially after all the horrible things he's done.

Weird though.

"I thought death is just nothingness." Blinking up at the abyss, Parad tilts his head in confusion. "So why do I still exist?"

Even without looking around, he knows there can only be an endless ocean. No end and no beginning.

And it's quiet.

_'No, not quiet,'_ he thinks distantly as he stares up at the abyss.

It's the sheer absence of sound itself— like he'd been placed in a vacuum; a place void even of the subtle hum of the air. There's nothing he can hear, smell, or taste. Curious, Parad breathes (he thinks he breathes) but there's no feeling of air moving in, nor out. It's as though this place simply is, and he too simply…

Is.

And so he just be.

He has no idea how long he's been floating. There's no notion of time itself. It can be minutes, days, _years_— he doesn't know. All he does is stare up in a daze; blinking in and out of what seems to be a dream.

He dreams of Cronus reaching out to swing a finishing blow onto Emu; feels righteous anger and protectiveness flare up in him before it melt into warm pride at Emu's strength as he fights back with glowing red eyes. Relief washes over him when Cronus is defeated and Parad thinks that's when the dream ends as he wakes up to the watery abyss.

Perhaps this is what death is supposed to be like for him; dreams and warm watery darkness. Not bad, he guess. Parad is filled simultaneously with a distant sense of urgency, and complete peace. It's strange, how there's not even fear in him anymore despite how terrified he was of death when he was alive. Parad thinks he still is though...maybe just numb to it. Like he's on morphine.

Then something sparks, before a wave of emotions not his own threatens to drown him.

Shock. Rage. Terror. Regret. Hope. Sorrow.

Longing. Affection.

Grief so strong it chokes him.

Even if he knows that the emotions are not his own, the force of it leaves him breathless and paralysed. Despite that, he reaches a hand out because there's a feeling in his chest where his heart is supposed to be that's telling him to protect, to comfort.

To love.

A voice; dear to him, cries out in pain and grief.

_Give Parad back to me...!_

And his body _moves._

A presence he thought he'd never feel again; a mind and heart that he knows far better than his own at times. It's familiar and warm. Parad doesn't think beyond anything than wanting to give comfort instead of pain and so, he does— wraps his arms around his kind yet battered heart and holds tight.

A sob is wretched out of his heart and Emu clings to him as Parad closes his eyes, running a hand through Emu's hair. A loop forms. It pushes and pulls the emotions between them, aching his chest as he pulls Emu closer to rock them back and forth before he leans down to whisper into the doctor's ear.

_Sleep, Emu._

Emu's breath stutters before evening out into something calmer, leaning bonelessly against him and Parad can do nothing but tuck Emu under his chin, holding fast.

Breathe in and he blinks awake in the warm darkness.

Seconds. Hours. Days.

Images flashing before him. Concerned faces surrounding his heart as Emu takes one step after another; slower, weighted down but ever determined. The hospital rooftop with grief still running through the veins of his heart but who steels himself to look into Hinata Kyoutarou's eyes with a favour on his lips. A press conference that speaks of hope— that promises life, no matter how long it'll take.

Houjou Emu; his heart, at the centre of it all.

Breathe out and he slowly gets to his feet as the waves brush against his calves.

It's not over. Not yet.

One foot after another, one foot after another, walking through the unresisting waters. There's a warm sensation in his chest, spreading and spreading. It makes him realise that while the waters have always been warm, _he_ hadn't been. But that's not the case anymore. There's warmth within him again and it's only growing stronger for each step he takes. There should be no end and no beginning to where he is. Despite that, he doesn't stop because it's not the end. Not yet. Parad is still here and because he's still here, he's not gonna let go yet. So much to make up for. So much to repent.

So much to live for.

Parad looks around, and that's when he realises that the ocean is no longer quite so dark, nor so black. The edges are tinged with colour now— bright with life. Head tilting in curiosity, he waddles closer and sees a shore that shines with a warm glow. What should be caution, relief takes its place and Parad continues forward, steps easy and senses returning to him, one by one; like puzzle pieces falling into place. And for each step he takes, a heartbeat grows stronger, more hopeful. It takes shape in a form of wistful stories and gentle prayers; his heart taking up the habit of talking out loud to Parad whenever Emu is alone and sometimes, even when he's not. But always, its followed by warmth and affection.

In return, Parad responds with melodies; humming under his breath and even singing aloud. It's a distant memory now but, he thinks that he's only let himself sing around Emu and Emu only when they shared the same body. So it's only fair that it stays that way so, for each step he takes that brings him closer to his heart, Parad sings in answer; making up songs as he goes along.

While he's not sure, Parad thinks he can hear Emu laughing at his antics because the songs he sings are silly and whimsical; filled with game sound effects than actual words or melodies. It causes him to smile because his heart deserves to laugh without pain.

His senses become clearer, hope growing stronger and the heartbeat grows louder.

_Ever wonder why you could transform into Ex-Aid even though Parad was erased?_

It's not over. For as long as he and Emu draw breath, for as long as they both want to live; for themselves and each other—

They will _live._

_ There's only one answer!_

_You mean, that time...?_

Lifting his head, Parad grins when he sees a familiar figure in a white coat already waist deep in the waters and who's staring at him with wide, hopeful eyes. His heart stumbles forward, clumsiness kicking in but is ignored in favour of rushing forward to Parad with desperate hope. Laughing, Parad sprints forward and meets Emu halfway; their fingers touching.

_You were infected by Parad once again!_

In that split second, he feels his entire body freeze, the power emanating from them both an unbearable pressure, so strong yet so comforting in its familiarity. For that second, he feels like he's touching into the very core of him, of them, of each other. It's beautiful, horrible, fractured hollow, peace and despair and laughter and silence, love and home trapped within it. The waves stop moving, and everything in this world seemed to fade away all at once.

His eyes close as he smiles—

**_Parad!_**

and falls.

"This...isn't a dream, right?"

There's a sheen in Emu's eyes from holding back tears and a tremble in his voice filled with so much hope that mirrors the ache in Parad's chest. Parad feels every second that passes in the silence that follows, and something in his chest clicks back into place, like it had always been dislodged and just now settled back into its rightful place. The fierce rush of affection and joy and heartache nearly made him stagger, and it takes a while for him to realise he stopped breathing.

But when Emu reaches a hand out to him, bit by bit, Parad feels the fog in his brain clear, and overwhelming, unbearable joy fills him. So he breathes anew and reaches out to grasp Emu's hand, and their hearts feel warm, and _alive._

Emu grips back tight onto his hand in return, letting himself be pulled up and back into Emu's orbit. They share a smile and Parad can see that Emu is hesitant to step away from him but when the call comes for an emergency and they run into the elevator, side by side, Parad thinks it's okay because now, they have all the time in the world to catch up.

But his heart has always been full of surprises.

"Emu?" Parad stares at the doctor in confusion when Emu presses the emergency stop for the elevator, white clad shoulders trembling. "What's wro— oof!"

"You're alive, you're alive, you're alive," Emu babbles, wet and breathless as he wraps his arms around Parad's neck with such force that they're both propelled backwards and against the back wall.

The full force of Emu's emotions hits him then, and it leaves him breathless as tears well up in his eyes. Parad feels the sheer relief, the pure joy at his return and his arms scramble up to grip Emu close to him, pushing his face into Emu's neck. He's never had anyone so happy to see him alive before; not like this and to know that Emu misses him just as much, just as fiercely— it eases something deep within him.

"Thought I lost you…" Emu's breath hitches, breaks, "…dead. You were dead and saved us, saved _me_, sorry, thank you. You're alive! Thank you for being alive—" The words are choked off as Emu pushes closer.

Parad closes his eyes, pulls Emu in tighter in an attempt to still Emu's trembling. It's only then, with their bodies pressed close that he realises that he's shaking just as much. His own body is vibrating and he thinks that he's in a bit of a shock himself, his lungs expanding and contracting in irregular bursts. Too soon, Emu pulls away in concern.

"Parad," Emu murmurs, gripping the back of Parad's neck to rest their foreheads together. "It's okay, I'm here."

He nods, tears streaming down his face as his hands bunches up Emu's coat. "Emu."

"Mmh?"

"...five minutes. Can we stay like this for five minutes before we find the patient?"

Emu lets out a wet laugh and nods. "Sure."

"It's okay?"

"I've already asked Poppy to go first." Emu runs a hand through Parad's curls as he looks up at Parad with tear stained cheeks. "I need this too."

Swallowing with some difficulty, Parad burrows close, presses his face into his Emu's hair and refuses to let go. "Emu."

"Parad." It shouldn't be possible considering their past animosity but there's no denying Emu's sincere happiness through their bond in having Parad alive and in his arms as Emu hugs him so tightly that Parad is pretty sure that if he had been human, there'd be imprints of Emu's hands bruised into his skin. Emu lets out a choked sob and grins into his neck. "Okaeri, Parad."

Breathing out a watery laugh, Parad grins in kind against Emu's forehead. "Tadaima, Emu."

Eyes fluttering closed, his fingers splay against Emu's back and he's breathing deeply; contentment, utter contentment radiates from their bond and Parad thinks that this may be what home is supposed to be.


	3. Press START

**LANGUAGE NOTES:**

* Shingikan: Deputy Director-General

* * *

**Press START**

* * *

It all comes full circle.

Hinata Kyoutarou walks through the halls of Seito University Hospital with quiet purpose. In the weeks after Gamedeus and Cronus' defeat, things have been pandemonium. Ensuring the safety of the public, eradicating anything related to Kamen Rider Chronicle, the press conference— it's all been a tiring ordeal. Nevertheless, what had been the most trying was watching helplessly as the young man who is like a son to him battling a grief that none could hope to even begin to understand.

"You say that he's back from the operation?" Kyoutarou asks, glancing at Poppy.

The bugster smiles brightly up at him. "Yessir! Finished it in one fell swoop too!"

"That's good." Stepping into the elevator, he watches as Poppy presses the button for the roof. "And is he alright?"

There's relief in Poppy's smile as she nods. "Much better now since Parad came back."

"I'm glad," Kyoutarou says, feeling tension bleeds out of his shoulders when he hears that.

He's been in the medical world for years, so he knows that everyone handles grief differently. Nonetheless, some of the reports he received from Director Kagami regarding Emu before Parad's resurrection had him worried to a point where Kyoutarou had seriously contemplated putting Emu on leave— especially after being informed of the occasions when the young intern had been caught laughing or talking to himself. While that itself was worrying, it somewhat expected in response to grief. However, the fact that Emu didn't always remember his actions made the situation a great deal more alarming.

It wasn't until Dan Kuroto spoke up that Kyoutarou's worries were somewhat assuaged.

_Parad is making his return._

_How can you tell?_

_Because Houjou Emu is showing the exact same symptoms before we extracted Parad from him. Daydreaming. Talking to himself. Short blackouts. It's not dissociation but...it's similar enough to be mistaken as such._

_...So what do you suggest?_

_Let him be. As much as it pains me to say this but, Parad is a unique Bugster. He doesn't need to be programmed by my divine talents like Poppy currently needs to make his return. He just needs Houjou Emu to want him back._

_Then I'll tell him_—

_Not yet. It'll cause him undue stress._

_Why would it?_

_Because we don't know how long Parad needs to reform himself. It could take weeks, months. Maybe even years. The false hope will only slow down the process._

_Poppy informed me before that you hated Parad. Why would you be concerned if his return is delayed?_

_I hated that he betrayed me. Unfortunately, years of having to take care of that gremlin has forced me to see him as an indispensable fixture in furthering the growth of the ultimate guinea pig that is Houjou Emu. That is why, in my wealth of divine generosity, I've decided to forgive him for his past transgression! Bwuahahahaha!_

_...I see._

While he was cautious of trusting in Dan Kuroto's words, in the end, he let Emu be just as advised.

As days turned into weeks, Kyoutarou read the reports with care. He was heartened when he didn't even need to ask the other gamer doctors for their help in ensuring Emu's health as they did so without complaints; their worry for the exhausted and weary intern too obvious for them to even bother hiding. While it had been a relief to see that Emu's passion hadn't waned in the face of such hardships since being a CR doctor or the tragedies that had followed after Kamen Rider Chronicle, it was still painful to watch how Emu's steps became slower, shoulders weighted down with burdens that he shouldn't ever have to carry on his own. It had been to a point where Emu had spent more of his time sleeping on his breaks rather than playing games with the kids he's so fond of.

Even his smile, while still genuine and sincere, had been dimmer; fainter than before.

It reminded him too much of the 8 year old boy with listless eyes and brittle smile; more eager to stay in the hospital rather than go back to an empty house.

In an ironic twist, the moments that had so concerned him, ended up being a respite for Emu. Whenever the intern was caught talking or laughing to himself, it was reported that in those times, Emu had been at his most liveliest and dare he say it, happiest. As time goes on, Emu had shown to disassociate less and was regaining more of his enthusiasm. Hopeful, almost; as if he subconsciously knew that Parad was returning. Having to watch that steady progress made Kyoutarou have a bit more faith in the good that Parad is capable of.

Kyoutarou has only heard of the elusive Parad from Poppy's reports which had mostly been about a bugster that was too cunning, too clever, too eager to play a cruel game. Out of all the Bugsters he's known about or encountered, Kyoutarou can willingly admit that the threat Parad posed terrifies him far more than even Gamedeus.

The Origin. The Progenitor of the Bugsters...and the only Bugster that was born, not created.

Kyoutarou had warily accepted that somehow along the way, Parad had became an ally of CR; someone fiercely loyal to Emu. Despite that, Kyoutarou was careful not to put too much trust in Parad; not after the harm he caused to the public and to Emu himself.

That is, until the report of Parad's sacrifice reached him.

When he saw how devastated Emu was because of Parad's death (to the point where medical personnel had to actually sedate the young intern just to keep him from falling into another panic attack), he knew he needed to lay his grievances to rest, if nothing else than to offer his support to Emu as much as he could. There had never been much he could do for the boy he has come to consider a son so, Kyoutarou had done all he could; either as a listening ear or a mentor for Emu. When the day finally came where Poppy was fully restored, he had been informed by Poppy herself that she could feel her fellow Bugster's return approaching fast. At that point, Kyoutarou made his decision to not only reinstate Poppy into CR, but to also recruit Parad as well. He made sure both Poppy and Dan Kuroto were made aware, so that they can use that knowledge as a trigger for Emu.

Which seemed to have worked quite favourably if the sight before him is anything to go by.

"They look happy," Poppy whispers beside him with a smile.

And they certainly do.

Both Emu and Parad are lying side by side on the roof, hands clasped between them as their laughter fills the air— together and never to be parted again.

Heart easing at the sight, Kyoutarou sighs in relief. With all that's happened, he'd been worried that Emu will never recover but fortunately, things turn out far better than what he initially thought. While it's true that their battle against game disease has only just begun, for the first time in years, Kyoutarou believes that they have a fighting chance.

How can they not, when they now have both Emu and Parad; the two origins, finally smiling and laughing together?

"It's a happy ending, right, Hinata-shingikan?" Poppy asks eagerly, watching the two boys with fond eyes.

Watching the human and bugster pair, he's suddenly reminded of a distant memory from years back; of a boy who loves games and laughed with his shadow. He remembers how it used to scare him and the nurses but looking back, he should've known that was how it's always meant to be; a happiness that can only be found when someone is truly home.

"No," he disagrees, smiling at the young doctor who is no longer a lonely little boy and the impish bugster who ceased to be just a shadow. "No, it's a happy _beginning_."


End file.
